Eclectic: It's Just The Way That I Am

This is a paper I wrote for my English class. The assignment was to write a paper defining yourself by one word. I chose eclectic. Enjoy

Eclectic: It’s Just the Way I Am

I will never forget the moment I was described as eclectic by my sister. We were scrap booking—one of our favorite pastimes—when she looked at my page and said, “Wow. We are so different, you and I. I would never mix colors or patterns like that… you’re so eclectic.” I thought about it for a moment, wondering if I was supposed to be offended by that comment, and then realized the truth in what she had said. I looked at my page. She was right, there were so many scraps of paper and ribbons and buttons that didn’t belong together. But I liked it that way. I then turned back to her with the satisfaction of accepting that Bailee-adjective and said “Thanks. I like being eclectic.” I, like the word itself, accept all forms of variety into my life. I am anything but solid. Stripes and zig--zags and dots, but hardly solid. My life has evolved into a huge “Where’s Waldo” picture with myself at different places on the picture surrounded by different activities and all sorts of people. My Mom had me when she was 40, with three other children to my senior. My closest sibling was 8 years older than me. I began to shape myself into the person I wanted to be at age 8. I decided that I would be great. I would be talented. I would be good at life. My life, from the way that I look and dress to the decorations in my house, emanates the word eclectic, and I’m not about to change. This characteristic has been a huge defining feature of me—a feature that I am proud of—but it has also caused for some raucous in my mind and high-level stress due to the expectations and desires I have for my life.

I grew up with a booming voice. I had a vibrato at the age of 8—a skill that is rarely attained this young. It was inevitable: Bailee would be a singer. And she would be a very good singer at that. But that would not be enough for my eclectic self! I began dancing at a young age, soon becoming very passionate about that. Young Bailee soon was obsessed with dolphins and would swim all year round, even on Christmas Day, and became rather good at swimming acquiring several Blue 1^st Place ribbons at many meets. At age 12, volleyball quickly became my passion. Yes, I still sang a lot in choirs and did musicals as often as I could but volleyball was priority. I became very good and competed year round with a club team, playing for my school in the fall and the club during off-season. Entering my Junior Year of High School, I decided I was going to be a really good snow-boarder. I would go with my guy-friends and they’d say “Well… Hope you can keep up.” I did keep up. Soon I was just as fast, if not faster, than my all-star friends. I wore only snowboarding brands and labeled myself “hard-core”. This new obsession stayed for a bit and was then replaced with being a “theatre geek” when I made the Music Dance Theatre program at Brigham Young University. Throughout all of this striving to be the best and participating in as many activities as I possibly could, something was always missing. I knew I was good at things, I knew I was talented, I knew I was capable, but I didn’t know something and I could not figure out what that “something” was. When the excitement of a new thing would ware off, I would grab onto something else, feeding my desire to be great, only I was ignorantly feeding it the wrong food.

The summer after I graduated High School was spent exploring my ideas and creating even more eclectic attributes for myself as I toured Europe with only a backpack for a month. I met people who changed me for good with their stories of life and their beliefs and ideals. I saw places that testified to me that God was real; the beauty was so overwhelming, how could He not be real? I started growing up. I started appreciating the important things in life. I was slowly starting to unravel, humility setting in as I let myself become aware that I had a lot of growing up to do. So I had a good voice, got some good honors in High School and was brave enough to tour Europe, so what? I realized I had a long way to go. The eclectic-ness of me would soon begin to be deeper rooted with valuable experiences and knowledge.

I started my freshman year and a month later, on October 1^st 2006, my Dad passed away from a Hearth Attack. It was from this moment that I would transition from the belief that those eclectic things about me defined me into an idea that the knowledge that I am a Child of God is what defines me, not what cool things I am involved with and can do. I learned that the number one important thing was being a good person and being completely invested in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, for it is through this church that we can be happy forever! Throughout the course of this year, I learned enough about myself I could have written a book. I have always had a testimony and a true knowledge that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true, but this year I discovered what that actually meant to me. My countenance changed as I grew in testimony and spirit. The person I was before my Dad died is a person I don’t know anymore. She was great, yes, but also struggling very hard to find validation through things that only provide that validation for a short time before it dwindles away leaving an empty person searching for something new to fill the void. Don’t get me wrong I was still extremely eclectic. In fact, my eclectic nature was growing and growing with new people, new activities, new crushes, talents being honed and explored, and most importantly, I grew a new un-chartered love for the Gospel. I was slowly inching closer and closer to the person that the 8 year old version of me decided to be. She was missing something, though, in her vision of her future self: the future Bailee lacked an understanding of who she was as a person, she was simply a girl who did a lot of things.

Now, a few years later, I can look back at the past three and a half years of my experience at BYU and smile. I experienced two years with the Young Ambassadors, traveling to Australia and Scandinavia, and was able to see how the full eclectic nature of myself, with all of the newly developed characteristics and understandings, helped me in talking to the people of these countries. I was able to have an understanding and compassion for the trials and experiences these people had had. I was able to look teenage girls in the eyes and say, “I know you are special. There is something inside you that is burning to come out, let it! Discover who you are. Discover who you are because of the beliefs and knowledge of your true identity deep within you.” Some would tear up. Maybe they had never heard that before. I wish I would have known it at that age.

In the last few years I have added a new level to myself. A drive to be a good person and to participate in positive activities in service has made me even more eclectic. There are times, yes, when the thoughts and desires and determination of my eclectic mind become overwhelming. It is hard to want to do so many things! It is at these moments that I have to bring myself back down and remember the person that has carried me through hard times and made me aware of what is real and important: my Savior Jesus Christ. I am hard on myself, never reaching what my way-too-high expectations are of myself, but at least I know now that just because I like to do many things, I don’t have to be perfect at them.

Many people find my clothing style very odd. I will sometimes have family members say, “Bay—what are you wearing? Black and brown do NOT go together.” To which I respond, “Suit yourself, there are no rules here!” There are no rules as to how far we can reach and how different we want to be. However, if you are to bend the rules and wear something that might not completely match, do it with confidence and with a love of the person wearing that crazy outfit. I do it because I know Heavenly Father loves me. He doesn’t care what colors I am wearing or how good I am at snowboarding. He loves me. He created me just the way that I am: eclectic.